She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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