The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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