I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize