I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
