you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
