Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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