let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
