It was confusing and full of hummus
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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