dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
