Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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