yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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