Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
as a side note pls kill me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
