you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
