I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
