There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
