omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
