when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
