I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How does one acquire holy water?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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