Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
