There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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