Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
