Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
