hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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