so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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