please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
