What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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