Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
