I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
