You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
