He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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