My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
