Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
