i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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