There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
