there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
