so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
