i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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