I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
