my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
