the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
