HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
