I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
