They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize