Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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