she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
