dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
