What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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