He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
