We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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