He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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