His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
two words: eviction party
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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