Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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