My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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