Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize