I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
