You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
