Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize