ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
