Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
