He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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