at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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