This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
