The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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