my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
