Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
