gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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