Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
