you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
