im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
