You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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