Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
