i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
