i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
