That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
