What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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