She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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