in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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