I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
