My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
