You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
