We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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