You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
