i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
