This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
