I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
