so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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