i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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