Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
