He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
