id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
