hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
