Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize