i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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