I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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